I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
