i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
