It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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