we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
