Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
