White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
These tits shall not be calmed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
