I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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