I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
