OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
