i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize