Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
