he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
