you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
