Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
