Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
