It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so let's talk penis.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
