It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
