I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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