and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
