someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
