Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
