my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
