I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.