goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.