It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.