we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Every concussion has its silver lining
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
be right there i have to get my cape
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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