I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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