i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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