My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
