ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
