This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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