IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
