Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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