now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
