a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
