we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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