I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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