my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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