i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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