How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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