just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
