Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
