chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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