I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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