im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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