I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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