I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
