she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
