tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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