One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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