I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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