and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
