Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
