I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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