Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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