Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well I just put wine in my tea
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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