I cockslap morals
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
