It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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