New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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