Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
