its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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