lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
