nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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