I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
