He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
