No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize