the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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