watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
