I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
