How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
whose ass print is on the piano?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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