I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
