hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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