I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm bleeding and have questions
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
