you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
