she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
