Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
