My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
